


Milky Way Chocolate

by CygnusX



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-04-06 14:12:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19064284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CygnusX/pseuds/CygnusX
Summary: It was rectangular. Thin enough to fit through the slits of his locker, and secured with a thin light blue ribbon. The wrapping paper had a sticker of Godzilla with a speech bubble that simply said ‘For Iwaizumi ❤’, and he couldn’t repress a tiny smile.“It was a box of chocolates, like you said. Happy?”“Of course I’m not happy, if there are people in this world with the sufficient bad taste to fall for Iwa-chan when I’m nearby, there is no hope for civilization,” Oikawa answered.(In which Oikawa is the only one who knows the identity of Iwaizumi's Valentine and he only gets to ask three questions to find out.)





	1. Tell me who

“Thank you so much Hara-chan!” Oiwaka sang as he delivered the killing wink.

As impossible as it seemed, the girl he was addressing got even redder and only managed to bow quickly before hurrying outside the cafeteria, barely avoiding to trip on her way out.

“Nice, you scarred another girl. Are you going for a record here?” Iwaizumi’s voice came from the other side of the bench they were sharing.

Oikawa turned towards him with his brightest smile.

“Don’t be so grumpy, Iwa-chan, or you won’t get any more chocolate from me today,” he said as he slid the box of chocolates he had just received towards Hanamaki.

“The least you could do if you are not going to return their feelings is eat the damn chocolates. This one even seems home-made,” Iwaizumi replied with a frown.

“Iwa-chan, please, do you really think I’d be able to maintain _this_ body if I ate literally dozens of boxes of chocolates?” he asked, as if offended by the mere suggestion.

“Itf mkay, we donf min helfing,” Matsukawa mumbled through the chocolate he was already stuffing himself with.

Iwaizumi kept frowning. It was a shit day. Witnessing Oikawa’s little fanclub in action during their volleyball practices and matches was one thing. A lot of them actually enjoyed the sport and supported the team, which was nice enough. But on Valentine’s day it seemed to reach critical mass and Oikawa couldn’t go five minutes without receiving some form of gift, usually in the shape of chocolate, and at times accompanied by a confession that made everybody involved feel awkward. Everyone but Oiwaka, apparently, who seemed to shine brighter every time he received the attentions of his fans, and wasn’t fazed at all by all the cheerful rejections he had been giving out like candy throughout the morning. When he was done with them, Oikawa showered them with such a cascade of compliments that most girls looked like they weren’t sure if they were supposed to feel bad or good about such gentle rejection. And they just kept coming. They’d been trickling by their classes on all of their breaks, but lunch time was always the absolute worst.

Iwaizumi almost felt bad for those girls. Oikawa always rejected every single one of them, and they knew that he received too many presents to be able to return them for White Day. Even though some of the girls were just being nice without expecting anything in return, he knew some really did harbor hope that he might one day return their feelings, and had been unfortunate enough to witness a few of them crying after the inevitable rejection. In a way, he admired them for trying even though rejection was basically a certainty.

Not five minutes had passed when the exact same scene was reenacted with some Kaneko-chan Iwaizumi seemed to recall from the public cheering for them at their last few matches. She was cute, and nice, and also rejected. As soon as she left, Iwaizumi sighed disapprovingly.

“You are really not playing your cards well, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said as he handed the new chocolate box to Matsukawa. “You should learn from Makki and Mattsun here.”

“Shut up. I don’t want your stupid chocolate anyway.”

“So rude, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said as he dramatically put a hand over his heart. “But anyway, you don’t have to be jealous, you know. I saw a girl putting something inside your locker earlier, so you can probably eat your own chocolate for once.”

He had said it with such nonchalance that it took him a moment to process what he had just heard.

“Wh-What!?”

“Yes, I know, I also think that it is pretty tasteless to leave it in your locker instead of giving it to you, but what can you really expect of her taste if she is interested in y— AH! Don’t hit me, you savage!”

Oikawa covered his face with his arms just in time to avoid the worst of Iwaizumi’s punch.

“What the fuck did you just say!?”

The setter watched Iwaizumi through the slit between his arms until he felt it was safe to put them back down.

“You heard me. Some girl put something inside your locker this morning.”

Iwaizumi eyed him suspiciously. He couldn’t tell if this was one of his attempts to piss him off.

“Oh, yeah? Then why didn’t you tell me before?” he asked.

“I thought you would at least use your locker _once._ I didn’t want to ruin the surprise but at this rate you weren’t even going to see it at all! You are the worst Valentine, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa answered, waving his hand up and down as if to emphasize his point.

“Whatever. As I said, I don’t care about some stupid chocolate,” he resolved.

It was a lie. Of course he cared. But he wouldn’t let Oikawa know that. He wasn’t even sure what he had said was true. He didn’t think he’d be so cruel as to make something like that up, but maybe he had seen someone put something different inside the locker, like that old Godzilla film he lent to a girl once and had never heard from again. It’d be natural to be too embarrassed to return it to him directly after all this time. Or maybe it hadn’t been his locker, but one right next to it. He wouldn’t believe it until he saw it.

He spaced out for the rest of lunch, responding only with vague grunts to what Matsukawa and Hanamaki were saying. And completely ignoring Oikawa’s business with the girls. He could have checked his locker right before their next class, but since Oikawa had that class with him as well, he went straight into the classroom as if he just couldn’t be bothered to go out of his way to check on the alleged gift.

Classes were insufferable. Not that they were usually much fun, but Iwaizumi couldn’t stop wondering about all of the what ifs. He had never gotten a Valentine’s gift, but he hadn’t really been expecting it either. It had always been a given that all gifts and attentions would irrevocably go towards Oikawa, like a light who would inevitably cast a shadow on everything around it. He didn’t mind. In fact, he understood it just too well. And for that very reason, he couldn’t help but be intrigued that someone could have chosen him, _him_ , and not Oikawa.

The last half hour of classes was the worst. He got nervous and started to second guess himself. He had been thinking about all the girls giving gifts to Oikawa that day. Maybe one of them had felt bad for Iwaizumi and given him a gift as well. Or perhaps it was really someone else that had seen past the light and seen…him? He was probably getting too worked up about it. It was even possible that it had all been a prank from Oikawa, that son of a—. Anyway, he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it. He would just check his locker and go from there. No expectations.

The bell rang for the last time that day and Iwaizumi’s resolution to stay calm went out the window.

He got up, the harsh drumming in his chest reminding him of his failure, and walked onto the hallway with resignation. He had to go to practice now, so it was just natural for him to go to his locker now to get his gym bag. No big deal.

The coast was clear. He walked up to his locker and chided himself for getting so worked up over this. He gulped and opened the locker slowly, almost wishing there would be nothing inside. But there was.

It was rectangular. Thin enough to fit through the slits of his locker, and secured with a thin light blue ribbon. The wrapping paper had a sticker of Godzilla with a speech bubble that simply said ‘For Iwaizumi ❤’, and he couldn’t repress a tiny smile. He reconsidered his theory that he was getting his movie back, but when he carefully opened it he had to discard the hypothesis.

They were clearly home-made. Some were just regular brown chocolates, shaped like hearts, stars and other simple shapes. One looked very much like a volleyball, and he could have sworn that the one with the colors of Seijoh’s team was supposed to look like a shirt. There was even one with a lot of sharp spikes that he couldn’t quite make out what it was meant to be.

Iwaizumi was in awe. He hadn’t been expecting this at all. This had clearly been made with a lot of care and effort, even if whoever did it wasn’t the most skilled. He was touched. He couldn’t really believe that it was some polite gift or a locker confusion. It was too specific. It had to be from someone who at least cared enough to know what things he was into, probably one of the girls who were into volleyball as well.

He put the box inside his bag carefully, unsure if he dared eat the precious gift, and headed to the gym with his bag.

As he walked, he had a terrible realization. He felt a pang of guilt for the way he had reproached Oikawa for rejecting all those girls so easily. Now he would have to do the same. Well, not the same. He promised himself he would do it right.

How he wished he could return her feelings. It would make things so much easier for him. To be a normal high-schooler with a normal girlfriend. To not have Oikawa teasing him constantly about how he is jealous of his popularity and ‘it’s not his fault that he is hopeless with the ladies’. And he is hopeless indeed. And jealous, just not of him.

But no matter. He would thank that girl properly and let her know that he really appreciated her effort. That he saw her. Even if he could never return her feelings. It sucked, knowing how terrible it felt to not have your feelings returned, and yet ironically be condemned to make another feel the same for that very reason. He just wanted to make it as painless as possible.

But before he could do that, he would need to find out who it was. And unfortunately the only person that knew that information was the idiot practicing arm-ripping serves before the rest of the team had even managed to get changed.

Iwaizumi acknowledged the presence of the other boy with a nod and went to the changing room, where half the team was getting ready.

It wasn’t really a bad practice, but Iwaizumi knew he wasn’t focused enough to be at his best. It didn’t matter much, though, because Oikawa adapted to him, as if he could feel the changes in his mood. It was almost scary how good he was at knowing exactly what a player needed from him in any given situation.

Once practice was over, he casually waited for Oikawa to be finished with the final swarm of fangirls of the day and head to the locker room, mentally preparing to ask him about who he had seen that morning. He knew he had to pretend like it wasn’t too relevant to him, just a casual fact to know about, or else he would not hear the end of it.

When Oikawa was finished he headed toward him with a questioning eyebrow raised.

“What?”

“Well? Did you look at your locker or not?”

Iwaizumi wasn’t expecting him to raise the topic and surprise rose to his face.

“Oh, that. Yeah, you were right, there was something,” he recovered quickly, morphing his expression into a bored one.

“And?” Oikawa continued with an impatient tone. “It’s not every day that you get noticed by a girl, you should be grateful, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi grunted in response and opened the door of the quickly emptying room with a kick.

“It was a box of chocolates, like you said. Happy?”

“Of course I’m not happy, if there are people in this world with the sufficient bad taste to fall for Iwa-chan when I’m nearby, there is no hope for civilization,” Oikawa answered with high pitched dramatism.

Iwaizumi opened his locker on his face.

Oikawa yelled and grabbed his nose for a while, murmuring something about ‘savage Iwa-chan ruining his perfect nose’ while Iwaizumi ignored his theatrics. Once they were changed, they headed home together.

“Did it taste any good?” Oikawa asked suddenly after a while.

“What?” Iwaizumi asked, briefly confused. “Oh, the chocolate. I don’t know, I haven’t tried it yet.”

“Woah, whatever happened to ‘at least eating the chocolate’?” Oiwaka mocked him.

Iwaizumi turned to him with furrowed eyebrows.

“I haven’t had time! Plus I feel kinda bad about eating them when they look like they took a lot of effort,” he blurted defensively, and a hint of red crept up his face when he processed his own words.

Oikawa’s face seemed to soften a bit.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

He wasn’t expecting to receive a dose of empathy from Oikawa on this of all things, but he took advantage of the brief moment.

“Anyway, who was it?” he asked in what he expected to be a casual voice.

The brown haired boy tilted his head and blinked a couple of times.

“The girl you saw?” Iwaizumi clarified.

Oikawa seemed to be processing the question for a second, but then he gave him one of his usual grand smiles.

“Nasty, Iwa-chan. I didn’t know you were the kind of guy to accept a confession from a stranger.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Shittykawa, I’m not accepting it.”

Oikawa seemed to think over his answer.

“Why do you care then?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I want to thank her,” he answered truthfully, his original plan clearly too naive after this many years of friendship with Oikawa Tooru.

“Oh, that’s so cute, you want to reject girls just like me,” Oikawa shot back with feigned pride in his tone.

“That’s not it, idiot. I knew you wouldn’t understand. I can’t just disregard people’s feelings like you do all the time”

Oikawa’s smile shriveled and died in his face. Iwaizumi bit his lip. Shit, that had been too far.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like th—“

“That’s fine, I get it. But don’t think I’ll just tell you who she is that easily. After all, I have a duty to protect the poor and innocent girls of this world from the brutish Iwa-chan.”

The plastic smile was back brighter than ever, and it pained Iwaizumi to know he was to blame.

“You are allowed to ask me three questions. And if you don’t guess it by the time I’ve answered all three, you are on your own. Take it or leave it,” he finished with a devilish grin.

Iwaizumi sighed deeply. His plan could not have failed more miserably. They kept walking in silence, Iwaizumi wrecking his brain for suitable questions. He didn’t even know where to begin. He could still scarcely believe that there _was_ someone that liked him. How could he be expected to figure out who it could possibly be? He wasn’t like Oikawa, who had a very well defined pool of candidates to show him affection in the form of a fanclu—

“Oi,” he caught Oikawa’s attention when they were a couple of streets away from their point of separation.

“Shoot,” he answered with a knowing look.

“First question: is she one of the girls that gave you chocolate?”

Oikawa slowly raised an eyebrow and, when he saw Iwaizumi’s expression only changed its degree of frowning, he burst into laughter.

“Oh my god, you really think there is some girl out there who figured it would be fine to date either one of us so she just went ahead and tried her luck with _both_?”

Iwaizumi flushed.

“Whatever. At least I discarded like half the school,” he replied, looking away slightly.

Oikawa gave him a little smile, then stuck out his tongue as he waved and deviated towards his house.

“See you, Iwa-chan! You can keep asking me about your girlfriend tomorrow. Though you are so dense I doubt you’ll ever guess who she is.”

He winked goodbye.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In the peace and privacy of his room, Iwaizumi dared to open the box of chocolates once again. He studied them carefully for a couple of minutes, and after convincing himself that eating them was a way of honoring the girl’s feelings and it would be rude to thank her if he hadn’t even eaten any, he tried one in the shape of a cloud.

It wasn’t as sweet as he had been expecting, but it was good. Hajime let that first chocolate slowly melt inside his mouth, and then ate two more of the regular brown chocolates at a faster pace. He decided on one of the round ones with colors resembling a volleyball and bit it slowly. The chocolate inside it was the same as the others, but the topping gave it a different texture and a fruity touch. It was so good that he ate another one, even though he still felt somewhat hesitant about eating the beautiful gift. More than half of the box was still intact but he chose to leave the rest for the following day. He was probably not going to get another one of these any time soon so he should make it last for a bit longer.

When he went to sleep that night, he already knew what his next question was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nowhere close to Valentine's day at the moment but I came up with this idea a long time ago and I'm finally working on it now. I hope to update the next chapter within a week. Kudos and comment if you liked it! It might help me update faster <3


	2. Will be there

Iwaizumi grabbed a couple of chocolates from the box before going down for breakfast. He ate quickly and was out the door at the usual hour, but he had to wait a little for Oikawa to show up. He was still savoring the melting chocolate in his mouth when he finally appeared, covered up to his nose in a scarf.

"Yo!" Oikawa greeted him.

"Hey," he answered, not even bothering to tell him he was late.

"What _is_ that?" asked Oikawa with a grimace.

"What?"

"Ew, your teeth are brown, Iwa-chan," he clarified.

Iwaizumi's ears went red and he started rubbing his tongue over his teeth frantically.

"Shit. I was eating some of the chocolate from yesterday," he explained once he figured it was fixed.

"It must be really good if it even made you forget basic hygiene," Oikawa teased with a smirk.

Iwaizumi glared at him.

"Well, it _is_ pretty good so you can shut it."

Oikawa's smile grew a millimeter and he could tell this one was genuine. Iwaizumi's heart clenched at the sight. He guessed he must be in a good mood today, but Oikawa being openly nice was almost too much for him these days. It was so much easier to pretend he didn't have feelings for him when he was acting like an asshole.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. It was cold, and the lazy sun hadn't completely shown itself yet, but Iwaizumi wanted to ask his question as soon as possible, before they arrived to class. He quietly took a deep breath and steeled himself.

"So... I get another question today," he said hesitantly.

Oikawa briefly turned to look at him.

"Yep," he answered matter-of-factly.

Iwaizumi still paused for a few more seconds before continuing.

"Well, I guess this is a bit silly but it should help reduce the possibilities if I'm correct," he started. "So... does she come to our matches regularly?"

Oikawa got closer to him as they walked in parallel and patted his back.

"Good job, Iwa-chan! She is indeed a most loyal follower."

Iwaizumi was taken aback by his apparent enthusiasm, considering he was the one withholding the information in the first place, but he was glad to confirm his theory. With some of the shapes the chocolates had, it only made sense that she was also a volleyball fan that knew him to an extent. Especially considering she knew about his fascination with Godzilla. Which was a bit of information that not that many strangers knew about him. Probably. I mean, maybe.

In any case, this should make things much easier. After all, the majority of girls that went to watch them play on the regular were also a part of Oikawa's fanbase, so it didn't leave that many options. Iwaizumi made a mental list of all those girls, being careful not to forget any of them. Still, he had no clue which one of them it could be. He didn't remember any one of them appearing interested in him in particular. Most of them seemed to be there simply because they liked the sport and wanted to cheer for their classmates, and a few even played on the female team themselves. In fact, he was pretty sure there was no heterosexual explanation for how close two of the girls in particular were. But Oikawa had said...It had to be one of them. Maybe they didn't go to the matches _because_ of him, but they could have grown to like him at some point, right?

"Iwa-chan?"

"Huh?" Iwaizumi mumbled as his mind tried to come back to Earth.

"Wow, you weren't even listening, were you?"

 

 

* * *

  

 

That morning passed in a daze for Iwaizumi, who was too preoccupied with the identity of the chocolate girl to care about the contents of any of his lectures for the day. He must have been frowning hard, lost in concentration, because at the end of one of their classes together Matsukawa asked him which one of his relatives had been murdered by quadratic equations.

At the end of the day he still hadn't figured out who it could be, and to make matters worse he had no idea about what he was going to ask Oikawa the following day. If he just asked something random he would probably get no information whatsoever, but if he asked about some specific trait of the girls on his list, there would still be a few candidates left either way. Shit, why couldn't Oikawa just be straight-forward for once? He was such a pain in his ass sometimes. All of the times.

He headed to practice with resignation, hoping the sport would at least help him stop his brain from going in circles again and again for a bit. He definitely needed a break.

This time, he focused completely on the game. He voided his mind of anything else, tried to forget that the rest of the universe even existed. There was only the sound of the ball being passed around. The voices of his colleagues signaling each other. Oikawa's tosses. And the pride he felt in his chest every time he hit one of them, specifically tailored just for him. It was almost intimate.

When practice was over Iwaizumi was utterly spent, but his mood had lifted significantly. So much so that he didn't even think twice about accepting when Oikawa suggested he went to his house that afternoon. Spending time at each other's homes was business as usual, especially when they had homework they wanted to pretend to be doing together. And on top of that, Iwaizumi thought as they walked the familiar path, he might be able to worm some information about the girl out of him.

As if he could read his mind, Oikawa turned to look at him after taking off his shoes at the entrance of his home.

"Don't think that just because I invited you I'm going to let you ask any more questions today, Iwa-chan," he declared with a mischievous grin. 

Iwaizumi followed him in silence, all the way up to his room, and sat on Oikawa's unfairly big bed ("It's because I'm so tall, Iwa-chan, you wouldn't understand."). He sighed.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't even know what to ask," he confessed.

Oikawa looked at him in silence for a few seconds then sat on the bed next to him.

"What, you still don't have a clue?"

"Not really, no."

There was a pause during which Oikawa seemed to be thinking.

"Does it really matter, though? You said you aren't interested anyway."

"It does matter. I want to thank her," Hajime insisted. "It's not everyday that a girl does something nice for me. I can't take it for granted."

"What, implying I do?" Oikawa answered defensively.

Iwaizumi directed a raised eyebrow stare towards him and Oikawa waved his hand as if letting it go.

"Well, if you insist I could just talk to her for you," he continued.

"What? No. I have to tell her myself."

Oikawa tilted his head in skepticism.

"Oh, really? And what exactly are you planning on saying to her?" he asked, rolling his eyes. "Iwa-chan is such a brute she would probably end up crying."

The last part was said in a joking tone, but Iwaizumi realized he didn't have the first clue about what to say. He had figured his primary issue was finding out who the person was, and after that he could deal with figuring out _what_ to say to her. He sighed and slumped against the wall that surrounded the side of the bed, slightly flattening his face against the surface.

Oikawa planted his hands on the bed and rotated his body so that he was facing the other boy. His long legs touched Iwaizumi's at the knees and he placed his hands on them in a reassuring gesture.

"Don't worry, Iwa-chan. You are talking to a professional," he proclaimed, nose pointing up as if he was terribly proud of himself.

Seeing the gesture, Iwaizumi managed to recover quickly from his bout of negativity.

"Yeah, a professional idiot," he said as he flicked Oikawa's forehead.

The taller boy’s response was to slap his hand and cross his arms in indignation. In an instant, Iwaizumi found himself chiding his subconscious for noticing so sharply the lack of warmth left behind by the absence of Oikawa's hands on his knees. It was stupid. They had touched millions of times. There was absolutely nothing special about it. He was sure by now Oikawa's touch shouldn't feel like the forest of his veins was catching fire.

He came back to reality. He had hurt the king's pride. He knew Oikawa wouldn't help him now, unless... He knew what he had to do.

...

"Bwahahah- OH MY GOD, STOP!" he screamed desperately, trying to get away from Iwaizumi's tickles. "You win, okay? I give up!"

Iwaizumi didn't relent for a few more seconds, enjoying the carelessness of the moment. He had trapped Oikawa under his weight and was making him squirm, his tickling technique perfected from over a decade of friendship and harmless squabbles.

When he was done torturing his best friend, he quickly retreated to a sitting position. He knew lingering could be dangerous, and over the years he had taught himself to not be greedy, to not try to get more than the other boy was knowingly giving. As long as Oikawa was his friend, he would be fine.

They panted for a whole minute before they managed to recover their breaths and, in the case of Oikawa, the bit of his dignity he had left.

Oikawa got up from the bed, went to grab his glasses, and sat down facing Iwaizumi once again.

"Shittykawa, wearing glasses doesn't actually make you smarter, you know?"

Oikawa ignored him.

"Okay. Let's say you thank her and whatever else you want to say to her. Now it's time to reject her. What do you do?" he asks, adjusting the glasses with a finger.

Iwaizumi hadn't actually thought about that part.

"Uhhm...." he paused to think. "I guess...I'd tell her that I'm flattered but I'm not interested."

"Why aren't you interested?"

Iwaizumi was taken aback.

"Well... I don't even know her."

"Well, if the problem is that you don't know me we should go on a date and get to know each other," Oikawa answered with his best interpretation of a feminine voice.

The other boy scowled, like he wasn't impressed with the setter's antics.

"What the..."

"Come on, Iwa-chan, I'm the one who gave you the chocolates and you have to reject me. Make an effort."

Iwaizumi was growing impatient, but he decided it would be easier to go along with it.

"Well, that's not the problem. I really appreciate your thoughtful gesture but I cannot accept."

"But why? I don't understand. Do you dislike me so much that you won't even give me a chance?"

"What!? That's not it. I-"

"Oh, my! Could it be that there is someone else that you like already?" came Oikawa's overly high-pitched response.

Panic came over Iwaizumi like a wave of blood, rushing to his face and making him blush. Did he know? Could he know? Then he saw Oikawa's face change as he watched him. Shit. He had been only joking, but now he knew. He had played himself.

"Oh wow," was the taller boy's only answer for a while.

A few seconds passed. Each one pulsing in his head, in his chest. Iwaizumi felt his anger flaring up. Anger at himself, for being so careless, for getting ahead of himself. For having these feelings. And he also felt his anger being directed at Oikawa, for being so free of this knowledge.

"If you had a crush on someone you could have told me you know? I'm your best friend," Oikawa's answer finally came, bitterness subtly imbued in every word.

Iwaizumi wished the bed would open up and swallow him somehow. Of course, Oikawa thought he had a crush on someone else. It was, after all, the logical conclusion. The truth, in this case, was the unthinkable. He should be relieved, but he wasn't. He looked up at his friends eyes and saw the hurt reflected in them, and at that moment he knew he was doomed.

Of course, he couldn't tell him the truth. He would either have to break his trust to his face, say that he wouldn't tell him, or betray him completely, making up a lie for himself to live in. And oh, the ramifications.

In the end, the anger and panic got the best of him, and he chose the worst option: blood.

" _You_ are my best friend?" he said, louder than he intended. "The same person that can't even be bothered to do something as simple as giving me a name!?"

Oikawa winced, but it was to late to stop his fury now.

"The _one time_ I ask for anything and you are making me play your stupid games in order to even have a chance to get it. Is it really that hard to believe that someone could fall me? Or does it literally pain you to accept that someone might like me instead of you?"

When he was done saying his piece, he felt vertigo. Oikawa looked like he had been slapped. Iwaizumi knew he had fucked up. He had to apologize. Say he didn't mean it. He had to-

But then something changed. He could feel how Oikawa's brain caught up with what was happening and space-time rearranged itself around it. The boy's face trasformed. He was smiling. A cruel smile. He liked his lips tentatively before opening his mouth. And then he laughed.

It was a short, dry laugh, lacking its usual melody. A prelude to murder.

"Is that what you thought?" he said, smiling. "That someone had _finally_ seen through me and noticed you?"

Iwaizumi breathed deeply, all the alarms in his brain blaring, telling him something was terribly wrong.

"That maybe it was your crush who had lovingly prepared all those chocolates with shapes specially suited for you?"

Iwaizumi's eyes opened wide. There was only one way he could know that.

Oikawa went for the kill.

"Too bad the real reason is that I had to do it, because I felt _sorry_ for you."

He could almost feel the knife being pushed into his chest and twisted. This was a horror story and he had just found out the murderer was his best friend. He had to run away.

He got up on impulse, almost tripping as he somehow made it to the door with legs that didn't feel his own. He thought he heard words coming out of the other boy's mouth, calling out to him, but his senses had been disconnected and he couldn't make them out. He was in flight mode and he didn't process a single stimulus until he reached his home and locked himself in is own bedroom, as if a door could keep away the words he had just heard. Unmake reality and make things right. But those words were locked in that room with him.

He reclined against the door and let himself fall to the floor. There were too many thoughts spinning around his head, like too many people trying to pass through a door and getting stuck there instead. He concentrated on his breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.

What an idiot he had been. And the worst part was that Oikawa was right. He _had_ liked the idea of someone noticing him even if there was someone else that shined brighter right next to him. Thinking he was special to someone. But no.

How pathetic he must have looked, trying to find out who it was so desperately. He had seen Oikawa reject a hundred confessions before and now here he was, playing dress up. He had acted like he was so much better than him, trying to make things right, whatever that meant. But the truth was that he was so pathetic that his best friend had felt the need to make him a fake gift so that he would stop moping.

He had always though he was good at pretending he didn't care, but the lie must have been crystal clear to his friends. And then he had gone and complicated things for them by trying to find out too much.

"Shit."

How could he have thought someone could like _him_ , when he himself had failed to not fall in love with Oikawa?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry ;_;  
> I promise I will fix this.  
> Leave a comment if you hate me but also if you don't.


	3. For you

Every year without fail Oikawa received an exorbitant amount of gifts and confessions for Valentine's day. It had started in middle school, with just one very brave classmate the first time. Oikawa had thanked her for the small box of chocolate she had given him and kissed her on the cheek, which was enough to make her flee in embarrassment. No rejection was necessary. He had spent the entire day boasting to Iwaizumi about his _natural charm_ and being as annoying as humanly possible, but in the end he had split the chocolates with his three best friends.

The following year a small group of girls, probably inspired by their valiant classmate, had all surrounded him and given him chocolates. That year, he learned how hard rejecting people could be. Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings had caused a couple of misunderstandings that had resulted in tears and a few bruised egos.

Every year the number of gifts and confessions increased. For some, it seemed to have become a sort of custom, trying again every year, but there were always new faces. When Oikawa finally got to high school, however, the number seemed to explode.

At that point, he had become a pro at rejections. He made sure to leave no trace of doubt that he wasn't interested. However, he liked these girls. Most of them, anyway. Except for a few surprises and some random ones he had never talked to, they were mostly friendly faces.

"They are not just here for my breathtaking beauty, my intimidating intellect or my chiseled body, Iwa-chan," he had explained to a very skeptical Iwaizumi one day.

The truth was, Oikawa was actually nice to them. He knew their names, what they liked, and how to make them smile. He even hung out with his closest circle of girlfriends whenever he wasn't busy playing volleyball or hanging with Iwaizumi (which admittedly wasn't a lot). It wasn't uncommon to see him having lunch with them, immersed in mindless chatter, or hanging out after a match when they came to watch them play. It was easy being with them, because he knew they no longer expected anything romantic from him, and he could just enjoy their friendship without feeling guilty. Plus they were actually able to speak about emotions and feelings without short-circuiting, unlike some of his other emotionally stunted friends.

Even when he got confessions from girls he was barely acquainted with, he made a point of giving them some form of compliment, hoping they would know there was nothing wrong with them. After all, he was the one who was all wrong.

Sometimes he wondered how no one had figured it out, but he wasn't about to complain. Even with year after year of rejections. But he couldn't bring himself to mess with some poor girl's hopes, even if at times he had feared his cover would slip.

He figured people had either decided he had such a gigantic ego he could only love himself, or they had concluded he was married to volleyball, and either of those were convenient enough for him.

 

Every year without fail, Iwaizumi received zero gifts. Oikawa had mixed feelings about that.

He didn't really understand why. Every Valentine's day he would anxiously wait for Iwaizumi to _finally_ get that confession. The one that would confirm his greatest fears and drive him away from him.

It was one thing to know your best friend didn't return your feelings, but actually seeing that person develop feeling for someone else was a different thing entirely. It was, in fact, exactly the kind of thing that would crush the remaining bits of his self-esteem into a fine powder.

Inexplicably, however, he would wait for that dreaded confession, and it wouldn't come. And after the initial relief, with its complimentary dose of guilt for being a shitty friend, there would be a flash of anger. What was wrong with them? How dare they not see how amazing he was? _How dare they_ make him feel like he wasn't good enough? They were so lucky to even have the chance to get close to Iwaizumi, and they didn't even bother to take it. How he wished he could let him know how especial he was to him. But he wasn't the one Iwaizumi wanted.

Oikawa was thinking along those lines when he got the idea.

It was perfect, really. It would let Iwaizumi know that someone noticed him, Oikawa wouldn't have to get jealous, and he would get a chance to do something nice for his best friend for once.

He'd managed to recruit his mom to help him. He would have been hopeless otherwise, but he tried to make the chocolates on his own after his mother taught him the process. She didn't ask who they were for, but from the knowing smile he gave him, he was pretty sure she had her suspicions right.

He had messed up the first batch. The taste itself wasn't too bad, but the shapes looked like he had thrown acid on a set of actual chocolates, so he decided to leave those for his family to eat and made new ones. Once he got comfortable with the technique, he grew a little bolder with the shapes of his chocolates and in the end he found he was quite satisfied with the result.

To finish off, he made sure to find a ribbon that matched the colors of their team. While he was shopping for it, he came across a Godzilla sticker with a blank speech bubble and he couldn't resist buying it. It was perfect. He imagined Iwaizumi seeing the sticker and smiling that rare pure smile of his. The thought of Iwaizumi enjoying the chocolates he had made for him made his heart flutter. He wasn't sure if he was excited or anxious. Probably both.

He had been so excited, in fact, that he had completely failed to anticipate the consequences of his complete lack of patience. If only he had kept his mouth shut until Iwaizumi found the chocolates on his own he wouldn't have put himself in that situation. But he had to run his big mouth and say something stupid that had Iwaizumi asking way too many questions that had no answer. He had somehow managed to look natural as the inevitable request for the girl's identity came and his brain went into damage control. Luckily he had come up with the idea to answer just one question a day to buy himself time. However, it had been naive of him to believe that Iwaizumi would be content with just not knowing if the three questions didn't reveal enough information.

And then he had done it again. Him and his damned mouth. Him and the monster that lurked inside, always bringing out the worst in him when he was feeling insecure. And there was nothing less secure than finding out Iwaizumi had feelings for someone else.

He needed him. He could not afford to lose him. He was the constant in his life. His best friend. The one person that he knew wouldn't abandon him no matter how annoying he got. That somehow had put up with him all these years.

He knew he didn't deserve him. He was always teasing him. Always embarrassing him in front of his teammates. Probing further and further, as if he wanted to find out exactly with how much of his bullshit he would put up before he finally got tired of him. And the one time he tried to do something good for him, he had ended up saying the worst thing he could have possibly imagined.

Iwaizumi deserved so much better than him. He was kind. And gentle, when no one else was looking. He put up with Oikawa's antics and listened when he rambled about aliens, even if he often expressed his doubts concerning the setter's sanity. Whenever Iwaizumi hit one of his tosses and turned around to give him a complicit thumbs-up, his heartbeat sped up. When he smiled, that peaceful smile that had become so scarce since they grew up, he forgot how to breathe.

Iwaizumi deserved so much better than him. But he was selfish, and there was no way in the world he would let himself lose him, even if it meant dragging his worthless pride through the mud and back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

No more than thirty minutes after Iwaizumi had left in a hurry, Oikawa was at the door of his house. He rang the doorbell once. Twice. There was no answer, but he wasn't expecting one. It was a courtesy. A warning. He took out his key and opened the door. Being life-long friends and almost neighbors had its perks.

He was pretty sure there shouldn't be anyone else home at that time, and the lack of answer had confirmed it, so he walked up the stairs and headed straight for Iwaizumi's room. He cleared his throat loudly to announce his presence.

"Iwa-chan?" he asked, voice unintentionally breaking under the weight of his uncertainty.

He waited a few seconds but there was no answer. He started doubting himself. Maybe it would be better to leave him alone for now. Wait until things were calmer. But he couldn't _live_ like this. The guilt and anxiety were eating at him. He took a deep breath.

"I'm coming in," he announced.

After a few more seconds of silence he grabbed the handle resolutely and pushed down. It didn't budge. The door was locked. Still, he fought with it a bit longer, shaking it in his helplessness.

"Go away," Iwaizumi's muffled voice came from somewhere below him, closer than he was expecting.

Oikawa realized he must be on the other side of that door, sitting down, so he lowered himself to his knees and pressed his palms against the wood, as if he could somehow touch him through the door.

"Iwa-chan, please," he pleaded. "I'm sorry."

More silence.

"I'm really sorry, Iwa-chan, I really didn't mean what I said," he tried again, tears threatening in his eyes.

"You don't have to lie to me anymore. I get it, just leave me alone now."

Oikawa's vision got blurry as a familiar pain rose through his throat and his nose. He swallowed hard. He couldn't bear to think that he had made Iwaizumi think this was somehow his fault. He was pretty sure he would not be able to talk without his voice breaking, but he had to try.

"I'm not lying to you. I fucked up, and I'm sorry."

Another silence stretched until the accumulated tension broke the dam holding Oikawa's tears. He pressed his forehead against the door and started sobbing as quietly as he could. He just wanted to go back to the way thing were. Before he messed it all up.

"Hajime. Please," he begged.

A few moments later he heard shuffling and then, the sound of the lock turning. He almost fell face first when the door opened before him, but he managed to regain his balance in time to not hit the door. The door had been opened so slightly that only a thin strip of room was visible from his position, and Iwaizumi wasn't in it. Slowly, trying to contain the tiny spark of hope that was insistently trying to find its way to him, he got up. He tried to fix his runny nose unsuccessfully before he carefully pushed the door with his fingers.

As soon as he was in Iwaizumi closed the door without sparing him a glace and slid all the way back to the floor. Oikawa looked at him with intensity, trying to get him to look up, but he was still looking forward. He looked gone, as if the setter's presence hadn't really registered and he was still alone in the room. The lack of expression felt _wrong_ on his face, and the guilt enveloping Oikawa's heart tightened.

He circled Iwaizumi and sat next to him, making sure to leave some space between them. He hugged his own legs and looked on, mimicking the other boy. Then he started talking.

"You weren't supposed to find out it was me. I didn't tell anyone. Not even Mattsun and Makki. I just wanted you to enjoy the chocolates. I didn't expect you to want to thank whomever gave them to you," Oikawa started. "I guess I should have known. Iwa-chan was always more considerate than me," he continued with a sad half-smile.

For a breath, he turned to look at Iwaizumi. His brow, remarkably void of creases. And those eyes. Those eyes framed by long dark lashes that held the answers to all of the questions Oikawa didn't dare ask. And finally, his mouth, the forbidden fruit.

He returned his gaze to the opposite side of the room when he saw those lips part. In his peripheral vision, he sensed Iwaizumi covering his face with his hands.

"This is stupid," he said in a tone that gave away he was frowning hard behind that mask.

"What? Why?" asked Oikawa, confused.

"All of this. You coming here to apologize. Me."

Oikawa bit his tongue. His resolve faltered.

"Do you... do you really want me to go?" he asked, fear of rejection betraying his tone.

Iwaizumi breathed deeply.

"That's not what I mean."

He slid his hands down his face and back to his legs before continuing, but kept his stare forward.

"You had a pretty shitty way of letting me know, but you were just trying to make me feel better, weren't you? I'm the one who let it go to his head and ended up accusing you of— " he hesitated. "You know."

He turned his head to look at Oikawa for the first time, but as soon as he met his gaze he snapped his head back, as if eyes could burn. But Oikawa kept staring at him from that moment on.

"You were right. I wanted to feel like you for once, I guess. Like someone felt about me the way—" he winced. "The way others feel about you."

He let out a lifeless laugh.

"Pretty stupid, huh? Of course no one would want _me_ ," he concluded with a self-deprecating smile.

Oikawa couldn't bear to see the damage he had caused. A single tear rolled down his left cheek, soon to be followed by another on his right a few seconds later. He needed Iwaizumi to _listen_ to him. Really listen. So he took his face between his hands and pulled gently, forcing him to look into his eyes.

He could see a world of hurt reflected back to him. Iwaizumi's eyes grew shiny, as if reacting to Oikawa's own.

"Why would you say that?" he said, fingers trembling with impotence. "Why wouldn't they fall for you?" he asked, a question he had ask himself many times.

Iwaizumi gave him a little smile that seemed to say _'Isn't it obvious?'._

"Why would they, when they can just fall for you?"

Oikawa's eyes grew in surprise. In any other circumstance he would have basked in the underlying compliment, but this was all wrong.

"It makes sense too. There is nothing likable about me. I'm grumpy. A brute. Ugly," he said in an attempt at a humorous tone.

"Ugly!?"

The words escaped Oikawa's outraged mouth before his brain had time to process them and give its approval.

Iwaizumi winced at the loud tone. His face changed, as if he was offended.

"Well, yeah. I doubt this is a surprise for you. We both have eyes, but even if I didn't, you make sure to remind me all the time," he said with a frown.

"And you believed it? Are you blind?" Oikawa answered in a befuddled tone.

Iwaizumi's frown deepened and Oikawa realized this wasn't the right approach. He let a few silent moments pass to regain his composure, then he softly stroked the other boy's cheek with the back of his fingers. He needed him to understand how wrong he was, even if it cost him everything. He looked straight into his eyes.

"Hajime." he said in a low voice. "You are beautiful."

Iwaizumi parted his lips, as if to say something, but nothing came out. He seemed lost, as if unsure if he should believe those words that sounded so alien in the company of his name. However, it had been enough to light a fire. A fire that started at the setter's fingertips, where he was barely brushing his face, and ran all the way up and down his arms, electricity converging in his chest to spur him to life. There was only one way to make him believe it.

Oikawa closed his eyes as well as the distance between their mouths.

He waited. A second. Two. For a response that didn't come. The lie he had told himself a thousand times exposed for what it was. That he had no expectations. But he had never been good at managing those. And it hurt.

He finally opened his eyes and looked for the disgust he had seen so many times in his dreams. And yet somehow it wasn't there. Instead, there was only bewilderment. He looked down. This would have to do.

Al last, Iwaizumi spoke.

“You know you don’t have to do this.”

Oikawa didn’t understand. He questioned him with his eyes.

“You don’t have to kiss me because you feel sorry for me,” Iwaizumi clarified.

The setter pressed his hands against his face in frustration. He couldn’t believe his ears.

“Shit, Iwa-chan. You _are_ an idiot. For the last time, I’m _not_ doing this out of pity. Don’t you get it? All I have done was because I’m in love with you. _There._ ”

Oikawa had never felt so vulnerable in his life. This situation was so utterly out of his control that he could barely believe he had willingly put himself in it.

“I know you are in love with someone else. I’m sorry I can’t be that person for you,” he added in a gentler tone, looking somewhere between his own feet.

A sudden pressure in his arm made him jolt his neck back up. The other boy was grabbing him hard.

“Tooru. What the fuck did you just say?”

Oikawa was certain his soul would escape his body if he was made to repeat his recent words.

“Shittykawa, did you seriously believe I’d have a crush on someone else and not tell you?”

Iwaizumi inhaled sharply before continuing, like no amount of oxygen he could breathe would be enough to get him to the end of the sentence.

“Every single girl that has ever had the displeasure of getting to know you has ended up falling for you. I’m not that special.”

As if to confirm his words, Iwaizumi captured Oikawa’s face in his hands and brought their foreheads together.

“I love you too, you idiot.”

The next tear that came down Oikawa’s face never reached his chin. The taste lingered in Iwaizumi’s mouth, which then found itself pressing softly against the thin pink lips belonging to his friend.

Oikawa reacted quickly. Pressing back on willing lips was a very different experience that the one he’d had just a few moments before. He licked his lower lip quickly to make the kisses smoother, and tangled his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck.

Eventually, he gathered enough courage to open his eyes and look at the boy he had just been kissing. Both of their faces were tinged red, but as soon as he saw Iwaizumi’s shy honest smile, he felt a peaceful happiness that had him closing his eyes with glee and caressing the other boy’s cheek with his nose.

Iwaizumi laughed.

“What are you, a cat?”

“Yes, Iwa-chan. A very happy cat,” he answered before catching the other boy’s lower lip between his teeth.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They were laying on Iwaizumi’s bed a few hours later, talking about school and volleyball and all the silly little things they could talk about for hours. In fact, it didn’t felt very different from what they always did when they were hanging out together at one of their houses. The only difference lay in the little touches, here and there. The shy smiles they would accidentally break into from time to time. Definitely the area right in the middle of the bed where their pinkies were interlocked. And their goodnight kiss before finally tucking in for the night.

When he was about to turn off the light, Iwaizumi remembered something.

“Tooru?”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering…what was that spiky chocolate thing supposed to be?” he asked, remembering the varied shapes of the chocolates he had received.

Oikawa seemed to think about it for a moment, until his eyes shined with recognition. Then he put a hand over his heart dramatically, pretending to be extremely offended. However, an upward tug in his smile betrayed his disposition.

“My, my, Iwa-chan. I can’t believe you didn’t recognize my beautiful rendition of your face.”

“Your WHAT!?”

Iwaizumi returned to bed with eyes made of murder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this, but I also found it really difficult at times, not being sure if I was doing my babies justice.  
> I really hope you enjoyed it. I loved all of your comments and they made me really happy <3  
> I have a lot of ideas for these two and other pairings but we will see how it goes. Maybe we can read each other in the future as well!


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